Focused

I’ve been playing around with a few short stories. I’m having a hard time getting motivated on them, though. After writing a 102k word novel, shorts feel like premature ejaculation—it’s okay, but I want more. I want to move forward with the next book in the series and focusing on anything other than my vision for this continuing crime saga is rough.

My issue is thoughts sometimes get muddled. I overthink things, overdo things—you know the drill. Getting hung up on the potential agent outcome will fuck with any writer’s head and send them on various mental escapades. 

Existential issues aside, I’m going to put my head down and work—on all fronts. Writers write, and that’s the gist. I’ll work on the short stories and notes for the next book. I enjoy the information gathering and thought process—brooding over such things keeps me centered. I dig the writing process too goddamn much. I’m not going to settle for the idea of being an author versus working hard to be one.

Query and Synopsis: Multiple Versions?

I started my query and synopsis long before my manuscript was completed. A rough process. You can research a hundred queries and as many synopses and still screw up your own. I figured waiting until my novel was absolutely complete would not be a smart move. I knew these two items were important. Each time I got bogged down in my writing, I’d switch to my query or synopsis for a bit. 

The first go-around, I tried hard to get the information in there. I figured agents need to know this shit, right? Then again, I also concluded that adding in more might come across as a lack of confidence. Agents are busy—long queries probably get nixed routinely. I could be wrong, but who the hell knows.

I wrote a couple of query and synopsis options: long, short, and varying word choices—every other agent wants something different. And it allows me to sound them out, seeing if one flows better than the other. At the very least, I’m not scrambling to start a document from scratch with each successive query. 

All of the above may be considered moot until I land an agent. But being prepared—giving it your all—is always the best course of action. It’s the only damn way I know how to do things.

Writing, Reading, Working Out

I’m a geek—more on that later.

The query process is ongoing. Slow going. I’m maintaining my writing schedule in the meantime, which is essential. Dig that old saying: do something, even if it’s wrong.

I’ve also started working out full-bore again. I always try to maintain my physical well-being but going all-in is different. I do it for my body and my brain—a hard workout can take your mind off things. It’s good for your soul. If more people did some sort of strenuous manual labor every day, we’d be happier overall. One doesn’t worry about crap when you’re balls deep in digging, lifting, or carrying. And when you’re in pain, the voices in your head stop screaming—a bonus to consider.

Currently reading: "Jackson Pollock: An American Saga”. This is a massive biography. I like Pollock’s art, even though I know jack about art. The person is more interesting to me—relatability, I suppose. I migrate toward biographies about men who struggle but never stop.

Listening to: American Pastoral by Philip Roth. Straight-up literature is rough for me at times. Overly long sentences and paragraphs. Overly wrought descriptions. In other words, it takes a long time to get to the point. I’m enjoying this listen—an ultimately deep dive into having and then losing everything. I have an omnibus of Roth’s work but could never get past a few pages. Somehow, the audiobook makes it feasible—and makes me want to read the words.

Appreciating Brevity

Querying is strictly the rat’s ass.

It’s not the rejection that’s difficult to handle. It’s the waiting and having the patience and will to keep writing (and eating and exercising and staying sane) in the meantime, even when you have no idea what the response will ultimately be. It’s faith, baby.

That’s pretty much all I’ve got to say today.

Ramblin' Man

I sometimes watch Noir Alley on TCM just for the Eddie Muller intro. Eddie’s the balls, man. I wonder if the fucker even uses a teleprompter—so much passion for his subject.

A great narrator can make your favorite book an event—better than any movie you’ll ever watch. My favorite narrators are Christopher Lane and Scott Brick. I never understood how funny American Tabloid is until I heard Christopher Lane’s reading (maybe my sense of humor is a bit…well…). And I never realized the true and misguided passion of White Jazz until listening to Scott Brick’s recital.

Kids are great. They have no fucking agenda other than wanting to be happy. Adults, even the best of us, always have an agenda.

One of my favorite biographies is “A Tragic Honesty, The Life and Work of Richard Yates”. I have nothing in common with Richard Yates, but I understood him as a person, you know? Then again, maybe that means I have something in common with him. Which is some scary shit.

I haven’t listened to the radio for a couple of years. The last time was a road trip for work. I couldn’t tell country from hip-hop or rock. I kind of stick to streaming what I want instead.

I’m currently reading “The Big Sin” by Jack Webb of Dragnet fame. Not bad. You can kind of tell that Jack wanted to break loose but was constricted by the ethics of the 1950’s.

A few years back, I purchased the first three novels of a popular thriller series. It’s been made into a couple of movies and recently a series on Amazon Prime. Partway through the first book, the main character said something that made no sense, and I threw the fucking thing across the room. Maybe I’ll get off my high horse and try it again sometime.

I named my beautiful son after a fictional private eye. If you think it’s “Philip” or “Marlowe”, I’ll have to come back in my next life as a squirrel and run straight up your pants leg.

 

In or Out?

A few days of forced absence are sometimes required. Within some of us lies a deep and ingrained sense of discipline. People brought up to work do not take time off because they "deserve it". In this case, though, I took a couple of days off and let my thoughts and ideas percolate. I wanted to sift through my writing and see if I still felt the same—I'm a notorious perfectionist. 

I wrote the story I set out to write in the style I wanted. I wrote the truth. We'll see if this translates for agents. Patience and optimism are my wingmen in this numbers game.

Understanding my writing may fall into grey areas of acceptability is critical to my psyche—people tend to play it safer than ever these days. But I told myself: If you're going to do this, you have to be all in—no safe places.

And so here we are. All in.

Getting Close

I managed a lot of work this week. My manuscript has been thoroughly edited (to my absolute best ability), its word count sitting at 102k. Word count is important, but it should not dictate the story. And I'm very close to nailing down my query—call it 90% complete. 

I resist the urge to start sending out my agent package too quickly. When we close in on the goal line, we all tend to get our assholes in a pucker. However, one can only edit a document so many times—at some point, you have to fish or cut that fucker loose.

I’ve worked hard. I'm confident in my work. I'm ready to do some fishing for a change.